all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
