I can text with my tongue
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
