Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
