I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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