Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
