Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
