i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
