what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Randomize
