i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
