I want to have your abortion
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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