did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
