Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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