well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We left the knife in your bed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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