why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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