Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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