We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
