Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you didnt know i had herpes?
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
