I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
