I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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