Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
