kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
