I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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