You're completely useless in the revolution.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
