Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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