Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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