Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
