i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
How's work?
Spinning.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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