Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
