Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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