I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
either way he was missing a nipple.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Randomize
