Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
This is my gift to your gina
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
