i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
