What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Your shirt... Was in my pants
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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