You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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