ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
