Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
