You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
