Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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