my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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