Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
