Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
