the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
sex in a hospital.. check
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
