So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
