i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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