i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
