So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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