ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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