some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize