Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
