So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
