In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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