oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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