I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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