hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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