the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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