i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize