I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
