Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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