you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
God, I missed his penis.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
