Your dad touched me again.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
