??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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