I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
