I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He shit in the fireplace
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
