You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
