I checked into jail on foursquare
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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