I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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