im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
