So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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