THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
