It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
