We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
