Dual....:-)
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
