i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
