take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
