I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
