Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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