This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
