I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize