Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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