You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
