thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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