We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
