THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
