yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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