Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
