I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
