My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
