My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
