You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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