Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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