i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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