I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
