just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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