Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
