I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
