mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
