I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
